


I Led Us Here

by YeetYeetStanJohnny



Series: What Led Us Here [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Gen, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-11-18 21:51:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 15,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18126932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YeetYeetStanJohnny/pseuds/YeetYeetStanJohnny
Summary: *SEQUEL TO 'WHAT LED US HERE', MUST HAVE READ TO READ THIS*Lee Taeyong had made some bad decisions in his lifetime. Coming back to Seoul was undoubtedly the worst of them, even if it had been for a good reason. But with the mystery of Ten's death solved, Taeyong was left to reconcile with his former friends. Who absolutely hated him.This was not going to be easy.





	1. Now

**Author's Note:**

> THIS WILL NOT MAKE SENSE IF YOU HAVE NOT READ 'WHAT LED US HERE'  
> PLEASE DO SO

Taeyong had absolutely no clue why he had done this. 

He also had no clue what he was going to do _now._

He probably should’ve figured out an actual plan, instead of making stupid, impulsive decisions. It had not been a good idea, coming back to Korea.

It had been a fucking terrible one.

If you made a list of the worst ideas Taeyong had ever had, this one would be in the top five. However, if you made a list of the worst ideas Taeyong had gone through with, it was second.

Right under going to see Johnny.

What had Taeyong been expecting? That Johnny would be completely chill with his sudden return to Korea, six years after he had to leave? That Johnny wouldn’t demand an explanation? 

Johnny had demanded an explanation, and Taeyong, being the genius that he is, completely avoided answering.

Great work, Taeyong, now all that’s left to do is get murdered by the very people you left the country for. Did you forget about them? You know, the mafia that you accidently found out about? They were probably pissed when he ran away. Now who were they supposed to threaten and torture?

Taeyong had made a huge mistake, coming back to Korea. One that he hoped wouldn’t cost him his life.

He’d only come back for one person, and that person wasn't even alive. Which was why he’d returned.

To figure the reason for Ten’s death, and if the mafia were involved. Which, thankfully, they weren’t.  Ten was still very much dead, though, but at least it hadn’t been from getting stabbed in an alleyway.

It was from lead poisoning, which came as a shock to Taeyong.  First, he didn’t even know that you could _die_ from lead poisoning. He didn’t know anything about lead poisoning, actually. Just that it had killed Ten, and was probably why Johnny was in the hospital.

Which was a fact that Taeyong had discovered from Instagram, of all places.  Not the lead poisoning part, but Ten being dead, and Johnny being in the hospital.

Thank you, Doyoung’s public account, for contributing to Taeyong’s inevitable demise via mafia-inflicted stab wounds. Or whatever the fuck it would be. Something painful, probably, and slow.  Something that would let _them_ enjoy watching the life leave his body.

_They_ were sick, twisted people, and, once upon a time, _they_ had threaten to take not only his life, but his friends’ as well. It was why he had returned, to find out exactly _what_ had happened to Ten and Johnny.

He hadn’t expected lead poisoning, though, he supposed that it would’ve been obvious if there had been mafia involved. It would’ve been a murder investigation, and there would’ve been police involved. 

Taeyong wondered if the police got involved with his disappearance, or if they’d just brushed it off as a simple case of ‘dropped out of school, didn’t bother to tell anyone.’ Maybe, he shouldn’t have dropped out, and simply just left.  _That_ would've caused more concern over his whereabouts.

He supposed his friends would have still been very concerned, since they were his _friends_. 

He’d left to save them, anyway. From both being murdered, and having to deal with a murdered Taeyong.

Maybe, his disappearance would make things easier for them, if he was killed now. They would’ve lost that closeness, becoming detached due to time and distance. 

It didn’t work that way for Taeyong, however. He felt a strong sense of grief, for the deceased Ten, and sorrow, for Johnny, who was left with both the weight of his best friend’s death, and the confusion following after Taeyong’s sudden re-appearance.

That had gone _great,_ for both parties involved. Johnny _definitely_ had all his questions about Taeyong answered, and Taeyong had _definitely_ explained why he’d left.

Taeyong had no fucking clue why he had come back, why he had seen Johnny, or what he was going to do now.

Maybe, he should try and find Doyoung.

But how? It wasn’t like he’d just bump into him on the street or something. For one thing, Taeyong didn’t really go outside much. Mostly due to the fear of being kidnapped and/or murdered.

Taeyong was _fucked_ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the first chapter done! The point of this sequel is to provide some insight into why Taeyong did the things he did, and his reasoning behind them. If you like it, please leave a kudos or a comment! Next chapter is the first of the flashbacks, which takes place in college, and is mostly centered on Taeyong and Ten!


	2. Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of the flashbacks!

_ They’d been walking through a park together, enjoying the arrival of spring. Taeyong had been looking at the blossoms, admiring the way they floated delicately to the ground.  _

_ Ten, however, had something else on his mind. Or someone else.  _ _ But who was this certain someone, distracting Ten from appreciating the spring weather? _

_ None other than Johnny Seo, who just so happened to be a close friend of both Ten and Taeyong.  _

_ This was a fact that was obvious to everyone. A less obvious fact was Ten’s not-so-small crush on Johnny. Well, it was obvious to Taeyong, and to Doyoung. _

_ But did Johnny know? Of course not. Johnny wouldn’t know it even if Ten had written a love letter on a brick, and thrown it at him. Even then, the incredibly oblivious Johnny still wouldn’t get it.  _

_ Ten wouldn’t resort to using bricks, thankfully for Johnny’s bones. Ten wasn’t planning on using any methods of courtship. He had one plan, he explained to Taeyong on that spring day, and he was going to use it, even if it killed him.  _

_ The plan was to never tell Johnny his feelings, and then one day, they would both meet their inevitable deaths.  _

_ Taeyong could see some flaws in this plan, however. _

_ ‘So, you’re going to ignore your feelings forever?’ _

_ Ten shook his head. _

_ ‘Not forever. Weren’t you listening? Just until we both die.’ _

_ Taeyong couldn’t help but laugh at that. The sheer absurdity of the plan, combined with Ten’s  _ _ utter lack of ability to see the problem with it, was pretty funny. Ten shot him an annoyed look. _

_ ‘That’s a long time away, you know.’ _

_ Ten seemed surprised at that, like he’d expected that both him and Johnny would only live until next month, or something. Ten didn’t really seem to know how time worked, at least, that’s what Taeyong thought. How long did Ten think people lived for? Certainly not long enough to forget a simple crush. _

_ ‘It’ll be easier to ignore it when we graduate. We won’t see each other that much anymore.’ _

_ Oh, right. Graduating. That was a thing. _

_ It was two years away, at that point in time. Taeyong had no clue what he was going to do then. But, he had two years to think about, so he assumed  _ _ he’d work something out, eventually. _

_ ‘What are you going to do when you graduate? Are you gonna move back to Bangkok?’ _

_ Taeyong hadn’t thought about whether Ten or Johnny would move back to their respective home countries, or if they’d stay in Seoul. Part of him didn’t want them to leave, didn’t want distance to drive their friendship apart. But, it would be helpful for Ten’s hopeless crush, if he still had it two years later. _

_ ‘I think I’ll just stay in Seoul. I like it here. Besides, I can always go back and visit, right? I don’t  _ _ know if Johnny will stay. Though, he’s never mentioned wanting to go back to Chicago.’ _

_ Johnny never mentioned Chicago, period. It was if he thought that ignoring his hometown would make him miss it less.  _

_ In a way, it was exactly like what Ten was doing. Only slightly less dumb, and slightly more sad. _

_ ‘You should try something else to stop crushing on Johnny. Like, what’s something you don’t like about him?' _

_ Ten thought hard for a moment, before coming to an answer. _

_ ‘He’s too tall. He makes me feel really short.’ _

_ Taeyong couldn’t help but burst out laughing. _

_ ‘Ten, you are really short.’ _

_ Even though Ten looked incredibly offended at that, even though he tried to deny his shortness, he couldn’t hide his laughter. Taeyong wished that it could be like this all the time, innocent discussions of crushes, and jokingly insulting each other. _

_ At that moment, underneath the trees,  _ _ blossoms petals surrounding them, Taeyong was happy. Well and truly happy. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this rare non-angsty chapter! Please leave a comment or a kudos!


	3. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any errors

If there was such an award as ‘the worst friend in human existence’, Taeyong would have definitely won it by now. He’d been one of the top competitors for about six years now, but he’d finally taken out the title.

If there had been an actual contest, Taeyong would’ve had no competition. After all, what was worse than his sudden visit to Johnny?

The one where instead of asking about his friend’s well-being, or at least saying ‘hello’, he started the conversation with ‘look, I know you’re still mad at me for what I did’?Nothing was worse than that.

Taeyong regretted everything he said that day.

Why had he been such a coward?

Why didn’t he just tell Johnny the truth?

He really was the worse friend in human existence. Wait, did Johnny even consider him a friend anymore?

Probably not, since they hadn’t seen each other in six years. 

_Definitely_ not, following their recent encounter.

Taeyong knew that he should apologise to Johnny, and try to explain himself.

But he just _couldn’t_.

Not because of pride, but because of timing. Johnny had just lost his best friend, and had almost lost his own life.

Taeyong couldn’t just show up again and go ‘hey, I left Korea because I thought the mafia were going to kill me and all my friends. Also, I thought they killed Ten. Can we be friends again?’

Yeah, no.

He couldn’t tell Johnny, not just yet. Not with the wounds of Ten’s death still fresh.

There was only one other person that Taeyong would have to explain himself to, but how he would find that person, Taeyong did not know.

Taeyong didn’t know anything about Doyoung anymore, just that he had a public Instagram account, and, presumably, not lead poisoning. Also, that Doyoung would probably hate Taeyong, for both leaving, and for only returning because of Ten’s death.

There was no way that Taeyong could make it up to them, and he couldn’t do anything about that fact.

How could they forgive him? It would take a miracle for that to happen, and Taeyong was sure that none of them believed in miracles. Well, he definitely didn’t.

If there was some outsider looking at their lives, they would surely find _something_ that they considered a ‘miracle’.

Like Taeyong not getting murdered, and leaving without being caught.

Or Johnny somehow surviving lead poisoning, even though Ten hadn’t.

Or maybe Doyoung’s whole life, in which he’d miraculously _not_ had those things happen to him.

Taeyong didn’t believe in miracles. 

He didn’t believe in anything optimistic, not anymore.

The world was not kind to optimists, he had found, from personal experience. Ten had been optimistic, and look what that got him. A one-way trip all the way to the morgue.

Ten hadn’t deserved to die, Taeyong thought, Ten had done absolutely nothing wrong.

Well, neither had Johnny. Johnny hadn’t deserved what happened to him, either.

Johnny hadn’t deserved to lose his best friend, to be left with that grief, to have any of this. Doyoung didn’t deserve anything that had happened, as well.

None of them deserved it.

Except Taeyong.

Taeyong deserved everything that had happened to him, to his friends, and more.

He was his least favourite person in the world. Sometimes, he wished that the mafia had just finished him off that day, when they’d made the threats on his friends’ lives.

That day wouldn’t have changed for Johnny, Ten, and Doyoung. Either way, they still would’ve lost Taeyong. Just it would’ve been permanently, that time.

Not just for six years, until they ending up losing Ten.

Johnny must think that his life has turned into some sick joke. That some bored deity just went ‘oh, your best friend died? Here’s your friend that disappeared six years ago! Now you have to deal with him!’

Taeyong hated himself for ruining their lives. And there wasn’t anything he could do to fix it.


	4. Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any errors

_ The night that Ten accidentally confessed to Johnny had been one that neither Ten nor Johnny remembered. _

_ But Taeyong did.  _

_ Taeyong remembered all of it, down to every last detail. And boy oh boy, would it have been some great blackmail material, if Taeyong had been the type of friend to do things like that. Thankfully, for both Ten and Johnny, he wasn’t.  _

_ Taeyong had just been sitting around, doing nothing really productive with his evening, when Ten had sent the first of many drunk texts. Taeyong had ignored the first couple, brushing them off as Ten being drunk and, well, Ten.  _ _ It was only when the messages became increasingly more panicked, with Ten begging for Taeyong to pick up the phone.  _

_ That had sent Taeyong’s mind into a frenzy of possible scenarios, and none of them were pleasant. Where was Ten? Was he hurt? Why did he deem it so important for Taeyong to answer the phone? _

_ Taeyong ending up answering Ten’s calls, and thankfully, nothing was really wrong.  _

_ Unless, of course, you were Ten, who was convinced that he had just ruined his friendship with Johnny.  _ _ Taeyong eventually found out, from Ten’s drunk, panicked rambling, that he had somehow wound up confessing to Johnny about his feelings.  _

_ The way that ended up happening, was that Ten and Johnny had both gotten very, very drunk. And Ten, with the power of liquid courage flowing through his veins, decided to tell Johnny he loved him. And Johnny, being drunk, oblivious Johnny, said that he loved Ten, too.  _

_ As bros.  _

_ Exact quote, apparently.  _

_ Well, Ten was not pleased with that response, and tried to explain exactly what he’d meant by ‘I love you’. But, because Ten was drunk, the explanation was not the best. In fact, one might call it a ‘failure’. _

_ Ten, drunk out of his mind, and fed up with Johnny’s cluelessness, got annoyed with how difficult words were in that moment, and kissed Johnny.  _

_ Taeyong was not sure he had heard that correctly, but it turned out that he had, as Ten kept  _ _ repeating himself, as though he was making sure it was real. _

_ ‘I kissed Johnny. Oh god, I kissed him. I’m so screwed. I kissed Johnny.’ _

_ Taeyong was usually good at giving advice, but in that moment, he had nothing. What was he supposed to say? Did he kiss you back? Did he run away? Taeyong had no clue how to console his friend. At least, not over the phone.  _

_ So Taeyong, being Taeyong, decided that the best thing to do was to hang up, and go see Ten.  _ _ Who did not calm down nor sober up in the decent amount of time it took Taeyong to get there. _

_ When Taeyong opened the door, he was greeted by Ten’s crying face. And as he stepped into the room, he was greeted by another sight. _

_ Johnny  _ _ Seo, sprawled over the couch, looking very, very dead.  _

_ ‘Oh my god! Ten, did you kill him?!’ _

_ Taeyong was clearly very helpful when it came to crying, drunk people. Especially ones that had  _ _ accidentally confessed to their crush. Ten wiped at his tears. _

_ ‘No, he’s alive. I think.’ _

_ Taeyong walked over to the maybe-dead Johnny. _

_ ‘He’s breathing, so he’s definitely alive.’ _

_ Taeyong looked up at Ten, who had done a terrible job at cleaning his tears. _

_ ‘How long has he been like this?’ _

_ Ten shrugged. _

_ ‘Not sure. After I kissed him, I pulled away, and he just went ‘oh’. Then I ran to the bathroom, cried, texted and called you, and then you said you’d come over, so I left the bathroom, and  _ _ there Johnny was. He’ll be fine, right?’ _

_ Taeyong actually had no clue if Johnny would be alright. How drunk had he been? Was it  _ _ dangerous for him to be passed out like that? _

_ ‘I’m sure he’ll be fine. We should probably keep an eye on him, though.’ _

_ Ten gave Taeyong a questioning look. _

_ ‘We?’ _

_ Taeyong shrugged. _

_ ‘Someone has to look after the drunkards.’ _

_ That night had been eventful. _

_ Ten eventually went to bed, and Taeyong fell asleep a few hours later. _

_ But not before checking on both Johnny and Ten, and finding that neither one had died from alcohol poisoning, or choked to death on their own vomit. Taeyong still put Johnny on his side, just in case.  _

_ Johnny would definitely have a hangover the next morning. Ten, as well.  _ _ And Taeyong had hoped that neither of them would remember the events that had taken place. _

_ The pair were incredibly close friends, and Taeyong didn’t want that friendship destroyed by drunken mistakes. And he silently promised to both of them that he’d keep it a secret.  _

_ Taeyong was good with secrets. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was a bit of a wild ride! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a comment or a kudos!


	5. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any errors

If you had asked Taeyong yesterday what he thought his first time seeing Doyoung in six years would be like, Taeyong would’ve said something along the lines of ‘he probably wouldn’t be very happy to see me’. 

Well, as it turns out, Taeyong was half right.

Doyoung had _not_ been happy to see him.In fact, Doyoung had been downright _irritated_ to see him. But, really, what had Taeyong expected? He’d avoided answering Doyoung’s questions, just as he had with Johnny’s. Doyoung had every right to be mad at him.

That hadn’t been the surprising part of their brief conversation, however. No, the surprising part was much more painful for Taeyong. Literally painful.

Doyoung punched him in the face, and then he ran away. That had been the end of their first, and probably only, meeting in six years.Taeyong supposed that he had deserved it.

It had surprised him, that Doyoung was capable of doing _that_ to a person. The Doyoung of six years ago, the one that Taeyong remembered, would have never done that. But the Doyoung of six years ago wouldn’t have had any reason to, unlike now. He wouldn’t have had any anger towards Taeyong, nor any question he needed the answers to. He wouldn’t have had any grief. 

Even though Doyoung hadn’t mentioned Ten, Taeyong could tell that he was thinking about him. It would’ve been impossible _not_ to. Doyoung probably wanted to know if Taeyong’s return was due to Ten’s death, the same thing as Johnny had asked.

Taeyong wondered how much of their conversation Johnny had told to Doyoung. All of it, probably.

He wondered if Johnny had told Doyoung outright, or if he’d accidentally brought it up. Johnny used to do that a lot, accidentally spill secrets he wasn’t supposed to. It was why Taeyong and Doyoung stopped telling him anything meant to be kept confidential.

Ten still did, though, which Taeyong had thought was ironic, considering Ten’s biggest secret was _about_ Johnny.

Did Ten ever end up soberly confessing it? If he had, it would’ve been after Taeyong had left.

He’d missed so many moments in his friends’ lives, and they would never get that time back. Not with Ten gone.

If Taeyong could trade his life for Ten’s, he would do so in a heartbeat. It would make it so much easier for both Johnny and Doyoung.  They wouldn’t even know that Taeyong had died, not with him so far away. 

Of course, Johnny would still have lead poisoning, but he wouldn’t have the grief that  comes with your best friend dying. 

Taeyong could see no downside to him being the dead one. Well, he would be _dead,_ but, in all honesty, did he really enjoy being alive?Did he like living, with the weight of his past, and the uncertainty of his future?

Taeyong was surprised that he’d even made it this long, that he hadn’t been found and killed by this point. He supposed it was inevitable, especially _now._

Coming back to Seoul had been a mistake, even if it had been necessary, to find out the cause of Ten’s death. He should just leave now, before it’s too late.

It was obvious that Johnny and Doyoung didn’t want to see him again, so what was keeping him here?

Was it the knowledge that nothing awaited him if he left again?

Was it homesickness, forbidding him from leaving the city that, no matter how far he tried to run, would always be his home?

Maybe, those were the reasons, or maybe, they weren’t, but deep down, Taeyong knew exactly why he couldn’t leave.

It was his friends. Well, _former_ friends.

But they had still been his friends, and he owed them some explanations. One for his disappearance, his return, just for his whole reasoning behind these past six years.

But Taeyong was too much of a coward to tell them. He’d had two chances, and blown them both. 

With Johnny, he’d tried to reason with himself by claiming it was ‘too soon’, because of Ten’s death. 

But with Doyoung, he’d had the perfect opportunity to tell him, and what had happened? He’d avoided the questions, and Doyoung had punched him for it.

Taeyong was a coward, and until he overcame that, he couldn’t  leave. He was trapped, in the city that had once been his home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I had a school thing and didn't have any time to edit! Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a comment letting me know what you think!


	6. Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update, personal things got in the way

_ Taeyong had found the next few weeks, following Ten’s drunk confession to Johnny, ~~slightly~~  very awkward. He had no clue if Johnny remembered anything, and couldn’t find a way to ask. _

_ Ten, on the other hand, had tried to piece together what had happened from the texts on his phone, and from directly asking Taeyong.  _ _ Who had lied and said that nothing happened, and the texts were just Ten being drunk and weird. _

_ Thankfully, Ten had believed him, and didn’t press on the issue further. _

_ And then there was Doyoung, who was not aware of the events that had taken place. Taeyong had decided not to tell Doyoung what had happened, even though he was sure he could trust him. _ _ It just felt wrong to tell, especially since Ten had seemed so worried that he’d just ruined his friendship. _

_ Nothing had ending up changing between Johnny and Ten, however. Johnny still saw Ten as his best friend, and Ten still saw Johnny as his unattainable object of affection.  _ _ Well, also as his best friend. _

_ A fact that made Johnny even more unattainable. _

_ Ten had confided in Taeyong about this, one time when the others were out. He’d said that he was scared of what would happen if he confessed, and went into detail over some hypothetical  _ _ situations. Most of which ended disastrously. _

_ ‘So, you’re worried that if you tell him, and he doesn’t like you, he’ll hate you forever?’ _

_ ‘Or that he says he doesn’t like me, but we can still be friends. Because then it would just be  _ _ awkward, for all of us.’ _

_ Taeyong nodded in agreement.  _

_ ‘What would you do, if that happened?’ _

_ Ten thought seriously for a minute, then came to a conclusion. _

_ ‘I’d have to move back to Thailand.’ _

_ This was all just hypothetical, wasn’t it? Would Ten really take such drastic measures?  _ _Of fucking course he would. This is Ten that we're talking about._

_ ‘What would you do if he said he likes you back?’ _

_ Hopefully, Ten’s answer this time did not involve leaving the country. _

_ ‘Date him. What else?’ _

_ Yeah, okay, Taeyong should’ve expected that. What else would Ten want to do?  _

_ ‘Oh, wait, but dating’s bad too. There’s only two ways that dating someone can end, isn’t there?’ _

_ Taeyong shrugged. _

_ ‘How should I know? No one likes me.’ _

_ Ten looked offended at Taeyong’s self deprecation. _

_ ‘I like you!’ _

_ ‘I thought you liked Johnny? Changed your mind?’ _

_ Taeyong was teasing Ten, trying to make him stop thinking about all the ‘what ifs’. Clearly, it had  _ _ worked, judging by Ten’s now-red face. _

_ ‘You know that’s not what I meant.’ Ten mumbled. _

_ Taeyong couldn’t help but laugh. Making Ten flustered was a skill that he excelled at. It was a fairly easy thing to do, all that was required was to bring up his crush on Johnny, and Ten would start blushing.  _

_ Taeyong never did it with Johnny nearby, however. He wasn't that mean. _

_ Well, it wasn’t like Johnny would notice, anyway. _

_ ‘So, anyway. What are the two ways dating ends?’ _

_ Taeyong really had no clue when it came to dating. He’d never really had much interest in it. _ _ Probably because he spent all of his free time being the so-called ‘mom’ friend. It didn’t really bother him, though. Taeyong liked being the mom friend. Someone had to be responsible, so  _ _ why shouldn’t it be him? _

_ ‘Well, you either break up, or you get married. Personally, I don’t really like either of those options.' _

_ Ten must’ve really thought about this in depth. He really did like Johnny, didn’t he? _

_ But Johnny only saw Ten as a friend. Taeyong couldn’t imagine what that must feel like. To fall for your best  _ _ friend, whose only feelings for you were purely platonic. _

_ ‘Isn’t there a third way? One of you could die, and that’s not a break up, or a marriage.’ _

_ Taeyong didn’t want to think about Johnny or Ten dying. _

_ Or Doyoung, for that matter. Taeyong  _ _ would very much prefer for all his friends to remain alive and well. _

_ ‘I guess that counts too. Look, I just really don’t want anything bad happening between me and Johnny. I’m fine with never telling him how I feel, even if it kills me. I just… I wish it wouldn’t hurt so much.' _

_ Well, Taeyong was now the worst person in the world. His crime? Making Ten cry over Johnny.  _

_ This was only the second time that Taeyong had ever seen Ten cry, and the first time, he’d been drunk. _

_ But Ten was stone cold sober now, and Taeyong’s heart ached at the sight of his friend so upset. He couldn’t offer any words of comfort, because what did Taeyong know about unrequited love? Absolutely fucking nothing. _

_ Instead, all he could do was put his arms around his sobbing friend, and wait.  _

_ They sat like that for a while, silent, except for Ten’s muffled crying, his head on Taeyong’s shoulder. Taeyong hadn’t needed to say anything, for gestures spoke louder than words. And for  _ _ Ten, it was enough. _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Honestly, I like these flashbacks more than the actual story. Please leave a comment or a kudos!


	7. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes

For once in his life, Taeyong had actually done something right.

He’d finally gathered up the courage to go visit Johnny again, and this time, he didn’t avoid answering any questions.

No, Taeyong had told Johnny the truth about his disappearance. Right down to the part where _they’d_ threatened to kill Taeyong and his friends. Johnny had been shocked to hear that, about how _they’d_ found out such personal information about him.

It had been far more difficult than Taeyong had expected to tell his story. He didn’t think that it would be _easy_ , but he just hadn’t expected exactly how hard it would be, to face Johnny and tell him the truth. It felt as though Taeyong was reliving those experiences, as he described them to Johnny.

The worst part had definitely been talking about the night before he’d ran away, about how he thought he was going to be killed, right then and there.

Taeyong had almost stopped talking then, almost went ‘nope, sorry, can’t do this anymore’. But he’d carried on, because he owed Johnny this explanation.

Taeyong couldn’t make up for the six years he’d been gone, but, at the very least, he could give his friend the truth. Johnny deserved it the most.

Out of all the terrible things that had happened in their group of friends, Johnny had been dealt the worst set of cards.

Sure, Doyoung had it bad too, with Johnny being sick, Ten being dead, and Taeyong just being _there_. 

And, sure, Taeyong’s life was currently comparable to a flaming trash can, but neither of them had Johnny's problems. 

Neither of them had their closest friend suddenly die from lead poisoning (Ten and Taeyong had also been very close, but not Ten-and-Johnny close. Besides, the last time they saw each other was six years ago). 

Neither of them _had_ lead poisoning, with its many, many symptoms that Johnny had told Taeyong about. The same symptoms that had killed Ten, and that still plagued Johnny.

Neither Taeyong nor Doyoung had Johnny’s problems. 

It almost didn’t make sense, that Taeyong deemed Johnny more deserving of his story than Doyoung. What was Taeyong’s thought process for that decision? 

‘Johnny’s life is currently terrible, so I should tell him my depressing-as-hell story, about the time I almost got _murdered_ by the fucking mafia _,_ and had to leave the country to save my own life’? 

No, that hadn’t been it, more like ‘only two of my three friends are still alive, and Doyoung completely hates me, and punched me in the face, so I should probably tell Johnny.’

Whatever his thought process had been, Taeyong had ended up telling Johnny, and Johnny had taken it better than he’d expected. It had clearly made him upset to hear, but Johnny seemed like he forgave Taeyong for running away, and for returning only after Ten’s death. 

That had been the only question that Johnny had asked, if Taeyong had come back because he thought  _they_ killed Ten. 

Which, Taeyong felt bad for saying was true. It sounded like that he’d only returned because it was _Ten_ who’d died, and if it had been _Johnny_ , he would’ve just stayed in Japan. 

That was one part of the story that Taeyong hadn’t mentioned, and one that Johnny hadn’t asked about.

Taeyong had run away to Japan, six years ago. Osaka, specifically. 

And, sure, Taeyong had liked living there, minus the whole ‘constant fear of mafia finding and killing him’ thing he had going on. But Taeyong had always been homesick while he’d lived there, always longed for his friends and family, his _life,_ that he’d left behind in Seoul.

He didn’t tell Johnny that part, either, but Taeyong assumed that Johnny would think that he’d get homesick.

Johnny was no stranger to homesickness, having been known in college for avoiding all mention of his hometown of Chicago. It had made him the polar opposite of Ten, who had openly expressed how much he missed Bangkok, but still wanted to remain living in Seoul.

Taeyong had missed Johnny and Ten, missed the way they interacted with one another. The way how Johnny never seemed to notice Ten’s crush on him, or the way Ten would sometimes look at Johnny, staring at him like he was the only person in the room.

Taeyong had missed them so much, and now, he would never get those moments again. All he had left were memories, of a better time.

One when Ten was still alive, and Johnny was still healthy. 

One when Taeyong was still happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've basically abandoned my update schedule, I promise I'll try and stick to it! Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	8. Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes

_ Ten was absolutely screwed. _

_ How was he going to face his friends now?  _

_ How could he talk with Johnny and Taeyong like normal, after what had happened?  _

_ Taeyong probably thought he was crazy, after watching him get so worked up over a crush that he’d cried. It was such a fucking pointless thing to cry over, and yet Ten had still done it. _

_ He couldn’t face Johnny for the same reason, and also a different one. _

_ See, while Taeyong was well aware of Ten’s unrequited love, Johnny was not. _

_ Because Johnny, Ten’s best friend, was the object of the unrequited love. That had been the exact reason why Ten had cried. _

_ How cruel was it, to have the person you love only hold platonic feelings for you? _

_ Ten knew exactly how cruel it was, whereas Taeyong, his only confidant, did not. Taeyong didn’t really know anything about crushes, or dating, or just anything in that realm. Yet, Ten still went to him for advice.  _ _ Granted, the advice wasn’t really all that great.  _ _ It mostly consisted of the same things being said over and over. _

_ ‘Ten, you should just tell him. What’s the worst that could happen?’ _

_ ‘That he rejects me, it ruins our friendship, and I have to move back to Thailand to escape the  _ _ embarrassment.’ _

_ That was how nearly all of their conversations about Ten and Johnny went. _

_ Occasionally, Taeyong would try and help Ten get over his crush, by getting him to say anything he disliked about Johnny. Which did not take long, because there was only one thing that Ten didn’t like about Johnny, and he didn’t even really mean it. _

_ Ten wasn’t getting over Johnny anytime soon, and it didn’t look like Taeyong going to be of any help. _

_ Which only left one person to talk to, but Ten would rather take a bath with a toaster, than ask Kim Doyoung for dating advice. _

_ It wasn’t that he didn’t like Doyoung, quite the opposite, Ten and Doyoung were good friends. _

_ It was that Doyoung lived for this kind of drama, and Ten didn’t want him ‘accidentally’ bringing it up to anyone, least of all Johnny. If Ten told Doyoung that he had a massive crush on his best friend, there would be no way in hell that Doyoung would be able to keep his mouth shut. _

_ The best case scenario was that he only tells Taeyong, who already knows, so no harm done. _

_ Worst case scenarios: he tells half of Seoul, and Johnny finds out, or he just tells Johnny. _

_ Either way, Johnny finds out, and Ten has to murder Doyoung for it. _

_ So, telling Doyoung was out of the question, and that left Ten with no one to ask. He did have other friends, but he just didn’t know them well enough, to trust them with that kind of personal information. _

_ Basically, Ten had no choice but to suffer alone, and boy, did he suffer. _

_ It didn’t help that Johnny was quite possibly the most oblivious person to have ever have existed. Seriously, that boy wouldn’t have noticed Ten loved him even if Ten had straight-up proposed to him.  _

_ Johnny had no clue of Ten’s true feelings for him, and if Ten had his way, he never would. _

_ But, the world didn’t work like that, and Ten knew, sooner or later, Johnny was going to find out. _

_ Hopefully, not through Doyoung telling him, or else Ten really would have to move back to Thailand, and he was pretty sure that none of them wanted that. Especially Johnny. _

_ It was an undeniable fact that Johnny cared deeply for Ten, but Ten wished that it was different, that he would care for him as a lover, and not as a best friend. _ _ But, Ten would never express that wish, not to Johnny, not to Taeyong, not to anybody. _

_ It  _ _ was just something that he’d accepted that he’d have to live with. _

_ Even if it killed him. _

__

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Please leave a comment!


	9. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for descriptions of ways to die   
> *starts after 'It was inevitable, really, that he would leave them'*

It felt like a weight had been lifted off Taeyong’s shoulders. In a sense, there had been.

Taeyong was no longer holding onto the heavy secret of his past, having ending up telling it to both Johnny and Doyoung.  Telling Johnny had been intentional, telling Doyoung, not so much.

Taeyong hadn’t even expected for Doyoung to be there, but he had been. They’d both decided to go and visit Johnny that day, and their visits ended up being at almost the exact same time, with Doyoung already being there when Taeyong had arrived.

That had almost turned terrible for Taeyong, considering the events of four days prior. Doyoung looked ready for round two, and Taeyong definitely did _not_ want to get punched in the face again. Thankfully, no fight happened, and Taeyong got to tell Doyoung the truth, about why he left, why he came back, and why he’d lied to both of them.

It felt easier, telling Doyoung, than it had when he’d told Johnny. Maybe it was because he’d already said it before, so the words were easier to find.

It was still difficult, though, to recount the time he thought he was going to die.

Taeyong supposed that part would always be hard to say, to relive those memories. They’d haunt him forever, the memories of that night, always be there waiting for him. It was pretty pathetic, to have the only consistent thing in your life be memories of past trauma.

But, really, Taeyong’s whole life was pretty fucking pathetic. He barely had friends, his family probably thought he died, and he basically had no reason to be alive. 

Well, he guessed that Johnny and Doyoung were probably good enough reasons to keep on living. After all, they _were_ his friends, and he should probably stick around for them. He couldn’t leave them now, not after finally apologising for running away six years ago, and telling them the reasons why he had to leave.

But Taeyong couldn’t shake the feeling that he would still end up leaving them, no matter what he did.

It was inevitable, really, that he would leave them.

He’d practically set it up to happen, by coming back to Seoul. His luck wouldn’t hold out that long, for him to somehow escape death via mafia.  _ They  _ would find him, eventually, and what  _ they’d _ do to him wouldn’t be pretty.  If Taeyong could wish one thing, for when that time came, it was that they’d do it quickly, not leave him to slowly suffer in his final moments.

He wondered how _they_ would do it. Would he be stabbed? Strangled? Would they slit his throat, and leave him to choke on his own blood? Or would it be something much more horrific, like being buried alive, or shoved off the roof of an apartment building?

Taeyong couldn’t decide which one of those two options would be more terrifying. If he was buried alive, there’d be a decent amount of time before he suffocated from the lack of oxygen. On the other hand, if he was pushed off a building, he’d be able to watch as he met his death, seeing the ground get closer and closer. 

Taeyong didn’t want any of those things to happen to him, but he’d accepted that he would die a death similar to that. He’d had six years to think it over, and he’d given up on denying it.

Lee Taeyong, college dropout, terrible friend, worst son, was going to die at the hands of the mafia. There was no way that he could be saved, not at this point. 

It was far too late for the police to get involved, and besides, he didn’t actually have any actual evidence to convict anybody. All he had were memories, of voices and faces that would never leave his mind, always waiting for him to feel even the slightest bit of hope.

He was haunted by people who were still alive, and _that’s_ what scared him the most. The very people who had almost killed him that night were still out there, alive, waiting for the day that they could finally get their hands on him, and finish what they started. 

_ They  _ would still be in Seoul, wouldn’t they?

Taeyong’s eventual killers were in the same city as him, and he couldn’t do anything about it.

He had nowhere to go, not even back to  Osaka. 

Taeyong’s death awaited him, in the city where his life began

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a comment with your thoughts!


	10. Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all are enjoying how much of an 180 these flashbacks are

_ Doyoung’s friends were weird. _

_ Sure, they were great friends, and Doyoung wasn’t denying that, but they were weird friends, who said and did some weird things. _

_ Doyoung had realised this, not for the first time, when Ten started acting very un-Ten-like. The Ten that Doyoung had known for two years, at that point, made terrible jokes and was accidentally mean to a lot of people.  _ _ The Ten of recent times, however, did not do those things. _

_ The Ten of recent times seemed quiet, and always lost in thought, which was very unusual for Ten. _

_ Strangest of all, Ten seemed like he was avoiding Johnny. _

_ So clearly, the real Ten had been abducted by aliens, and replaced with an imposter. _

_ Ten and Johnny had always hung out together, to the point where people often mistook them for a couple. It didn’t help that they never denied it, just let people think they were dating. If Doyoung didn’t know them, he would assume that the pair were dating, as well. But Doyoung did know them, and he knew that their ‘relationship’ was strictly platonic.   _ _ Much to the dismay of that one girl from one of Doyoung’s classes, who once approached him to say that his friends were 'such a cute couple'. _

_ Johnny had once brought up the subject of dating Ten, while drunk with Doyoung.  _ _ Now, Doyoung might have been drunk and not really listening, but he still got the gist of what Johnny was saying. He didn’t want to date Ten, because he thought there wasn’t any way it could end well.  _

_ Doyoung had really zoned out by that point, so he never got to hear the reasons why it wouldn't work. Probably something to do with both Johnny and Ten not being from Korea, and that they might both end up returning to their respective home countries.  _ _ Yeah, it was probably something like that.  _ _ Ten probably thought the same. _

_ But, if Ten didn’t want to date Johnny, why would he avoid his best friend? _

_ Doyoung wondered if they’d had an argument, but he realised that at least one of them would have told him by now. Also, if they’d had an argument, why would Ten avoid Johnny, but Johnny would still act normal? _

_ Maybe Ten had found out a secret about Johnny. _

_ Maybe, Johnny was in the mafia or something, and he’d had to run away to Korea to escape them.  _

_ Johnny had never told them why he came to Korea, but it probably wasn’t because of the mafia. Doyoung couldn’t imagine Johnny ever doing something like that. _

_ Or maybe Johnny was just really good at keeping secrets.  _ _ Doubtful. Johnny held the title of the world’s worst secret keeper, because he just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. There was no way a guy like him would be in the mafia.  _

_ Doyoung was pretty sure that none of his friends were in the mafia, but you could never be sure.  _

_ But why was Ten avoiding Johnny? _

_ It just didn’t make sense. _

_ Maybe Taeyong knew.  _ _ Taeyong was trustworthy, people told him all their problems.  _

_ Except for dating problems, because Taeyong knew nothing about that. But he was great with advice, so he probably knew what was up with Ten, right? _

_ Doyoung should probably ask him about it, but probably not right now. After all, he’d only just noticed that Ten was acting weird, it might just be a one-off thing. _ _ Everyone had days like that, but usually, they told someone. _

_ Oh well, maybe Ten was just weird like that. _

_ Or maybe, Ten had just decided to hate Johnny, for no particular reason.  _ _ Was it because Johnny was tall, and Ten was, well, small? _

_ That didn’t seem like a legitimate reason for Ten to decide he hated Johnny, for one thing, he would’ve noticed that Johnny was tall when they first met, so why would he hate Johnny’s height now? _

_ Who knows what was going on in Ten’s head.  _

_ Doyoung's friends were fucking weird. _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment or a kudos! Thank you!


	11. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes

The next time Taeyong goes to visit Johnny, it doesn’t really go all that well.

Johnny is in the middle of having what some would call ‘a bad day.’ A more appropriate title, according to the former, would be ‘experiencing the worst fucking pain in his life’. 

Apparently, one of the symptoms of lead poisoning is chronic muscular pain. And that chronic pain can occasionally flare up, and become much, much worse than usual.

To nobody’s surprise, Johnny is not one for much conversation that day.

Taeyong feels bad about just sitting there and watching as his friend goes through such severe pain, but there wasn’t really anything else he could do. And besides, he would’ve felt worse about leaving Johnny alone.

It dawns on Taeyong that this is the first time he’s actually seen Johnny cry. In all the years they’d known each other, Johnny had never once cried in front of him. Not when they talked about Taeyong’s seriously fucked-up past, or when they talked about the time _they_ threatened to kill Taeyong and his friends. 

Not even over Ten. 

The one time Johnny cries in front of him, it’s because he’s in too much pain to do anything else, and it just about breaks Taeyong’s heart. 

What must that pain feel like? (A number of days later, when it’s back to its regular, chronic ache, Johnny describes the feeling as being torn apart internally. Taeyong thinks about that for the next few hours.)

Eventually, the nurses give Johnny what Taeyong can only describe as a shit-ton of morphine, and he eventually falls into a tripped-out sleep.

It’s then when Taeyong takes the time to truly notice how sick his friend looks. There’s dark circles under his eyes, stark contrast against too-pale skin. His cheekbones are more prominent than they should be, and there’s dried tear tracks running down them. Johnny looks too thin for his tall height, courtesy of the fact that he hasn’t really eaten properly for a while. Nausea makes him too sick to eat, Johnny once told him, and so now he’s got a feeding tube.

There’s what seems like an endless number of tubes and wires attached to him. The ones stuck to his chest, checking his heart rate or whatever it is they do. Johnny has an I.V in the back of his hand, and another one in the crook of his arm. Taeyong’s not quite sure what they’re there for.

It feels slightly creepy, to be just watching Johnny sleep, but it’s far better than watching him cry in pain.

Taeyong wonders for a brief moment if Doyoung’s ever seen Johnny like this, but then he remembers that Doyoung was there when Johnny was still in a coma, which was infinitely worse than him being in a morphine-induced haze. 

It’s still fucking hard, to see him like this. Even though they’d been apart for six years, that still couldn’t erase the fact that they’d been close friends before.

Taeyong regretted that he’d left them, but it was really the lesser of two evils. It was either that, or being murdered, so it wasn’t exactly the most difficult decision he’d had to make. After all, he was pretty sure being murdered was nobody’s first choice.

There was one thing that Taeyong didn’t regret, however, and that was that he’d been able to apologise to his friends for what he did.

Well, two-thirds of his friends. No disrespect to Ten, but Taeyong wasn’t exactly wanting to see him any time soon. Since he was, you know, very dead, and had been for the past two weeks. 

Honestly, Taeyong probably thought about Ten more than he thought about Johnny or Doyoung. It was hard not to. Ten was both the person he’d come back to Korea for, and the person that he would never get to meet again.  It was hard _not_ to think about Ten. 

He wished that they’d gotten to see each other, just one last time. He would probably always wish for that. 

It still didn’t change how he thought of Johnny and  Doyoung. Taeyong was going try his hardest to be a good friend to them. He owed them that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: this is the most recently written part of the story. I actually wrote this whole thing last year, but decided to completely re-write this chapter because I felt it was too boring. Anyway, feedback of any kind would be greatly appreciated!


	12. Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes

_ Okay, maybe Taeyong had been wrong to assume that Doyoung already knew about Ten’s crush. Because he didn’t. Not even a little bit. _

_ In fact, Doyoung had been way off with his guess about what was going between Johnny and Ten. He’d noticed something going on between the pair, more specifically, something going on with the way Ten acted around Johnny lately. And Doyoung, rushing to conclusions, thought that Ten had suddenly decided that he hated Johnny.  _

_ A fact, far from the truth, that Doyoung had told Taeyong. _

_ Taeyong had just stared at him in disbelief, before asking: ‘you really don’t know, do you?’ Doyoung had looked confused at that question, which made it clear what the answer was. And so Taeyong had told him, about Ten  _ _ and Johnny. _

_ ‘Ten has a crush on Johnny, but Johnny doesn’t know, and Ten won’t tell him.’ _

_ Doyoung looked surprised. _

_ ‘Wait, who does know about this?’ _

_ If everything was gong according to Ten’s plan, hopefully not Johnny. _

_ ‘Just me and you. But you probably shouldn’t tell Ten that you know. He’ll freak out.’ _

_ ‘So, Johnny doesn’t know?’ _

_ Taeyong nodded. _

_ ‘He has no clue. Just thinks Ten sees him as a friend.’ _

_ ‘But he doesn’t.’ _

_ ‘Exactly.’ _

_ Doyoung’s eyes went wide. _

_ 'Shit, that must suck for Ten.’ _

_ Doyoung didn’t even know the half of it. He didn’t know what Ten had said to Taeyong, about moving back to Thailand if Johnny rejected him. Doyoung had no clue of how deep in love Ten was, with someone who would never romantically love him back. _

_ But Doyoung knew how Johnny felt, and that somehow made it worse. _

_ Johnny had only ever addressed the subject of dating Ten once, and he had been drunk while doing so. But, unfortunately for Ten’s heart, Johnny did not want to date Ten. Only Doyoung had been present to hear this, and the only person he’d told this to was Taeyong. _

_ Ten was not aware that his love would forever remain one-sided, but Taeyong could tell that a part of him already knew this. _

_ Deep down, Ten seemed to have realised that his crush was pointless, that Johnny would never love him in the way he wanted him to. But Ten still held onto the smallest sense of hope, that one day, Johnny might love him like that. _

_ Maybe, Ten had lost that hope now, judging by his recent behavior, in which he seemed distant with Johnny, like he could chase away his feelings by avoiding the object of them. He’d made it pretty obvious that he was kind of avoiding Johnny, so obvious that Doyoung had noticed. But Johnny hadn’t.  _ _ Johnny remained oblivious to Ten’s behavior, just like how he remained oblivious to Ten’s crush on him. _

_ Part of Taeyong didn’t want Johnny to notice, but part of him did. _

_ Part of him wanted Johnny to notice that Ten was acting strange, in the hopes that Ten would end up confessing his love. Sure, Johnny would probably reject him, and Ten might actually move back to Thailand. _ _ But Ten would get over him, eventually.  _ _ He’d move on, and stop thinking about whether or not Johnny would want to date him (spoiler alert: he didn’t). _

_ But if Ten confessed, and Johnny said no, it would probably ruin their friendship, Taeyong and Doyoung included. _

_ So, maybe it was for the best if Johnny remained blind to everything that was going on. Taeyong didn’t really want to deal with what might happen if he found out. _

_ But, on the off chance that Johnny said yes, then that would also ruin their friendship too, wouldn’t it? It would probably get awkward if Johnny and Ten started dating each other, and Taeyong and Doyoung were just there. _

_ There really wasn’t any way that this could end well, but what could any of them do? It was really all dependent on Ten, and if he ended up getting over Johnny. But that didn’t look like  _ _ it was going to happen any time soon.  _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it just me or does this chapter seem too weak compared to the rest? I might just be overthinking but idk. Anyways, please leave me some feedback, it would be greatly appreciated!


	13. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any errors

Sometimes, you just have good days. Ones where, even though nothing particularly interesting happens, you just feel _happy,_ like nothing can go wrong.

Taeyong was not having one of those days. In fact, he hadn’t had one for a while. His days were mostly just sad, mixed with a sense of anxiety about his inevitable murder. 

Occasionally, Taeyong would go visit Johnny, and once or twice, he’d even met up with Doyoung. But, seeing his friends didn’t help improve his mood, if anything, it worsened it.  Talking with Johnny made him think about Johnny and Ten, which in turn made him think about Ten, and Ten’s death, which had occurred just over three weeks prior.  It was worse with Doyoung, because at least Johnny had the common sense to  _ no _ t bring up the past with Taeyong, who despised it with all his being. 

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. There were some memories that didn’t haunt Taeyong, but he still avoided them, just for a different reason. All of those memories had the same people in them, and Taeyong didn’t have those people anymore.

Ten, Johnny, and Doyoung were very different people than they were when Taeyong last saw them. For one thing, Ten was _dead,_ so that was a pretty fucking obvious difference. 

Johnny and Doyoung were still alive, but they were had changed so much in six years. They’d become strangers to Taeyong, and try as he might, he could never rebuild that bond they’d once shared. 

Taeyong longed for them to grow close again, but that did not seem likely. There were too many things that they didn’t know about each other, or more specifically, too many things that _Taeyong_ didn’t know about __them.__ He had never asked what had happened to them during those six years, and at this point, it seemed too late to. 

Johnny had also never inquired about Taeyong’s years spent away, and there seemed to be an unspoken rule against it. They never brought up the past with each  other.  Unlike Doyoung, who had asked Taeyong numerous questions about his pasts, with no regards as to whether Taeyong would _want_ to answer them or not. 

A subject that Doyoung never touched on, however, was Ten. Even he could see that talking about Ten was not a good idea. 

If Taeyong could avoid bringing up his memories of Ten forever, then believe me, he would. It didn’t help that was all Ten would remain to Taeyong. Memories, of a person no longer on this earth.

The last time that he had seen Ten had been two days before he’d left Seoul. The next time he would return to his hometown, Ten would be dead, and that would be the reason why Taeyong had come back.  It killed him on the inside, to know that Ten was dead, and gone, and never going to come back. There were so many things that he wondered about Ten, questions that he would never get to know the answers to.

Did Ten ever go back to Bangkok before he died?

Did he get over his crush on Johnny?

Did he ever _tell_ Johnny?

Ten’s crush on Johnny was an event that had taken place shortly before Taeyong’s disappearance.

_Did_ Ten ever get over it? Or had he simply decided that he had more important things to think about, namely, what had happened to Taeyong?

Who knows, maybe Ten had done that. 

But Taeyong would never get to find out. Taeyong would never get to know these things about Ten, because Ten was dead.

Ten was dead, and Taeyong was stuck with his miserable existence, spending every day worrying if it would be his last, if he would be found and killed. Even Johnny, with his dead best friend and lead poisoning, didn’t worry like this. 

Taeyong was pathetic. He should just hurry up and die already, before his friends get too close again.  _This_ was why they could never grow close, because it was so unclear if he was even going to live to see next week, let only next _year._

You can’t form a close friendship where one person involved constantly has their life at risk, and not in the potentially fatal lead poisoning way that Johnny's was.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think it's humanly possibly for Taeyong to be any more of a angsty mess. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this update! Please leave me a comment with your thoughts!


	14. Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any errors

_ If there was one thing that Taeyong was good at, it was keeping secrets. This was the reason why Ten had trusted him with the news of his crush on Johnny. _

_ Technically, Taeyong had broken that trust, by telling Doyoung, but did Ten need to know that? Not really. Doyoung seemed like he was going to keep quiet about it anyway, so no harm done.  _

_ Taeyong was good at keeping secrets, and he was also pretty good at keeping his mouth shut. An ability he’d had to use a day prior, when Johnny had asked him if there was anything going on with Ten.  _

_ As it turned out, Johnny hadn’t been so oblivious to Ten’s recent behaviour. Specifically, Johnny had noticed that Ten seemed to be avoiding him. This was a development that Taeyong had not seen coming. So Taeyong, in shock over Johnny’s newfound ability to notice things, had to blatantly lie to his friend. _ _ Unfortunately for Taeyong, and maybe also for Ten, lying was not one of Taeyong’s strong suits.  _ _ But fortunately, for both Taeyong and Ten, telling when someone was lying was not one of Johnny’s, thus so, the two things cancelled each other out, and nobody’s crushes were accidentally spilled. _

_ Following this brief conversation, Taeyong had decided that the only thing to do was to tell Ten, and hopefully convince his lovesick friend to change his current tactic for dealing with the Johnny situation. _ _ That had been easier said than done. Ten was possibly the most opposed-to-change person that Taeyong had ever met, so why his friend had decided to go to college in a completely different country, he did not know.  _

_ Technically, Ten’s current approach towards Johnny was the second one that he’d come up with. The first plan, which Taeyong had found quite a few holes in, was that Ten was just never going to confess to Johnny, and then, both would meet their inevitable deaths. _

_ The current plan, which was somehow worse than the first, primarily involved Ten not-so-subtly ignoring/avoiding Johnny, so that the latter would stop being friends with Ten?  _ _ Taeyong wasn’t sure exactly what Ten had been thinking when he’d come up with this, or if he’d even been thinking at all. He probably hadn’t given it any actual thought, which was rather Ten-esque.  _ _ Ten was more ‘do it now, think never’, than he was ‘think first, maybe do it if it’s a good idea’. _

_ One of these days, Ten’s strange, impulsive, borderline reckless decisions were going to land him in trouble. Today was not that day, and tomorrow didn’t seem too likely either. But one day.  _

_ It didn’t help that Ten’s main partner-in-crime was Johnny, who lacked the impulsiveness of Ten, but made up for it with his willingness to basically do anything. _

_ Except date Ten, apparently.  _

_ Anyway, Ten’s terrible ideas had calmed down a bit in recent times, but only in terms of legality.  _ _ Pushing away your best friend because you have a massive crush on him was definitely not a smart plan, but try telling that to Ten.  _

_ Taeyong tried. Did Ten listen to him?  _

_ Absolutely not.  _

_ Did people usually listen to Taeyong?  _

_ Only occasionally.  _

_ There was one major part of Ten’s plan that Taeyong had tried to point out was a bad idea, and it seemed like Ten had actually been listening to that part of the conversation, judging by how he went ‘oh fuck, I didn’t realise’ immediately after hearing what Taeyong had to say.  _

_ But had Taeyong said, that made Ten resort to using a word that would earn him a ban from at least twelve kindergartens?  _ _ Taeyong had simply pointed out that if Ten’s avoidant behaviour actually worked on Johnny, than Johnny would no longer be in the friend group.  _

_ Was this a fact that was easily noticeable if you had heard Ten’s plan?  _

_ Yes, yes it was. _

_ Had Ten realised what would come of his actions?  _

_ Of course not. This is Ten we’re talking about. The boy saw no flaws in any of his plans.  _

_ At least Taeyong’s attempted intervention of Ten’s plan hadn’t been a total waste of both their time. Ten did end up realizing that he was on track to making a huge mistake.  _

_ But did he try and rectify his actions towards Johnny?  _ _ Depending on who you asked, the answer was either ‘yes’ or ‘no’. _

_ If you’d asked Ten, he would’ve said ‘yes’.  _

_ On the other hand, if you’d asked Taeyong, he would’ve said ‘no’, because, really, Ten hadn’t done anything different than before. He just stopped pushing Johnny away.  _

_ And if you’d asked Johnny about this whole situation, he would’ve said that he hadn’t even noticed anything different. Because he hadn’t.  _

_ Johnny was oblivious, Ten had bad ideas, Taeyong was the world’s most one-sided relationship counsellor, and Doyoung?  _

_ Well, Doyoung just liked drama. _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed reading this! Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Also, the next update will be a bit further away than usual, but I promise I'll have it up this time next week!


	15. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short hiatus!

Johnny had been in the hospital for almost a month at this point, yet somehow, no one had told Taeyong exactly _why_ he’d been hospitalised for so long. 

Well, someone had now, and that someone was Doyoung. Because who else? Johnny wasn’t really willing to talk about what had happened, and Ten had been dead for a while now. That left it up to Doyoung. 

Poor, poor Doyoung who had to deal with everyone’s problems, because he had none of his own. Taeyong admired how his friend could deal with everything, and still maintain some sense of normalcy. Of course, Taeyong still felt bad for Doyoung having to deal with everything. Especially after hearing the truth about the night Ten died, and the night Johnny was admitted to hospital.

All this time, Taeyong had thought that Johnny blamed himself for Ten’s death because he never noticed that they were sick, but that wasn’t the case. The reality was much more tragic.  Johnny blamed himself because there had been a car accident, and he had caused it. But that hadn’t been what  killed Ten, so why did Johnny shoulder all the blame? 

If it was anyone’s fault, and it wasn’t, it would be lead’s. Fuck you, lead, the world’s most useless metal. How dare you do this to Ten and Johnny. 

Ten’s death hadn’t been Johnny’s fault, but try explaining that to him. Johnny needed someone to blame for the death of his best friend, and he found himself to be the perfect victim. It explained a lot, now that Taeyong actually thought about it. Johnny had always been quick to blame himself when things went wrong, and he didn’t seem like he was losing that habit anytime soon.

What did Johnny remember from that night? Not much, probably, judging by how Doyoung had said that Johnny had slipped into a coma soon afterwards. He’d blacked out, and driven into a lampost.

Ten was still alive, at that point. That would’ve been the last time they’d seen each other, and it broke Taeyong’s heart to think about. The last time Ten saw his best friend was when he’d been dying and unaware of it. 

Ten had probably thought that Johnny was dead, or at least on the verge of death, right in front of him. What had Ten done? 

Had he tried to rouse Johnny, to no avail? 

Had he called 119? 

Or had he simply been in shock, sitting in a wrecked car with his possibly-dead best friend in the driver’s seat? 

What about the last time Johnny saw Ten? It would’ve been before he’d blacked out, because he didn’t regain consciousness until three days afterwards. 

But would Johnny remember?

Would he remember the last time he saw his best friend? 

The whole tale of events made Taeyong depressed, and he couldn’t imagine what retelling them felt like for Doyoung. Maybe, it was comparable to Taeyong’s story about the time he almost got murdered. But then again, they were very different tales. Doyoung hadn’t almost lost his life, he’d just had to deal with Ten dying, and Johnny almost going with him. 

How long had it taken for Doyoung to find out about the accident? Had Ten still been alive at that point? Or had he only found out afterwards, when Ten was gone? 

Taeyong didn’t know, and he didn’t want to ask, either. 

Doyoung hadn't even been able to finish their conversation. He’d recounted how he’d found out Ten was dead, and then he had abruptly left, stating that he couldn’t do this anymore. 

Despite this, Doyoung was still far stronger than Taeyong was. If it had been _Taeyong_ telling the story, he wouldn't have even gotten halfway, but Doyoung at least managed to mostly finish it before giving up.  Doyoung was just a better person than Taeyong was.

He  deserved nothing that had happened to him, but Taeyong did. Taeyong deserved everything that had  happened, and he deserved everything that was going to happen to him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think it's physically possible for Taeyong to be more self-deprecating. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a comment with your thoughts!


	16. Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes

_ In Ten’s mind, there was nothing he wanted more than for Johnny to love him back. But, also in Ten’s mind, he had no greater fear than Johnny rejecting him.  _

_ So, to put it in simple terms, he was fucked.  _

_ He couldn’t see himself being with Johnny, but he was unable to imagine what his life would be without his best friend.  _ _ Ten was fucked. This was a fact that he had come to terms with, and accepted that it would be his life now.  _

_ Taeyong had also been made well aware of this fact, from the many times that Ten had confided in him with the tale of his unrequited love. Even Doyoung, who had not spoken directly to Ten about his crush, could tell that Ten was struggling to hide his feelings for Johnny.  _

_ Out of their group of four, only Johnny remained unaware. And if Ten had his way, Johnny would forever remain blind to Ten’s true feelings for him.  _

_ This was what hurt Ten the most. The fact that he could never tell his best friend his biggest secret, for fear of ruining the bond that they had. Ten didn’t want to lose Johnny as a friend.  _ _ He just would prefer if they were boyfriends, instead.  _

_ But what if Johnny didn’t want that?  _

_ Ten didn’t want to think about the consequences of Johnny rejecting him, but it was a topic that was always on his mind. It didn’t help that he was constantly around Johnny, either. As a matter of fact, it had the opposite effect of help. When Ten was around Johnny, he always felt like he was going to accidentally end up confessing to him, and then he would have to move back to Thailand to escape the embarrassment of being rejected.  _

_ Well, maybe not quite the ‘moving back to Thailand’ part. Taeyong wouldn’t be very happy with Ten if he did that, and Ten would prefer to keep his remaining friends, if he’d just ruined his friendship with Johnny.  _

_ Ten really only had three friends, which actually sounded kind of sad, now that he was thinking about it. Sure, he had other people that he spoke with, and they were definitely on friendly terms with one another. But he didn’t really consider them as ‘friends’, just as people who he spoke with on a regular basis. Ten didn’t trust them like he did with his friends, he wouldn’t trust them with his secrets.  _

_ But Johnny was his friend, so why didn’t Ten tell him his secrets? Thank you for that input, Ten who lives inside of real Ten’s head and spouts bullshit occasionally.  _

_ Ten  _ did _ tell Johnny his secrets, even though Johnny wasn’t quite the most trustworthy person.  _ _ Ten just didn’t tell him the secret about him. For obvious reasons.  _

_ If you have a secret about a person, you wouldn’t tell them, would you? It was just common sense. That’s what he was doing, by not telling Johnny that he was in love with him. Using his common sense.  _ _ Because that was something that Ten definitely did a lot. _ _ Ask Taeyong, he could definitely tell you about how Ten always exercises common sense.  _ _ Okay, maybe don’t ask Taeyong. Or Doyoung, while we’re on the subject of Ten’s friends.  _

_ It was no secret that Ten sometimes didn’t use his common sense, and occasionally made terrible decisions, ones that resulted in Taeyong being very disappointed in his actions.  _ _ Sometimes, Taeyong was more of a mom than Ten’s actual mother was.  _

_ Well, Ten didn’t really see his mother that much, considering that he was in Korea, and his mother in Thailand.  _

_ It was fine, though, Ten had Taeyong to be his mother.  _

_ If Taeyong was the mother, what did that make Doyoung?  _ _ The vodka aunt, probably. Or the drunk uncle with poor decision making skills. Probably the vodka aunt. Yeah, that sounded like Doyoung.  _

_ They were a weird group of friends. There was Taeyong, who was the only one of them who held any sense of responsibility. There was Doyoung, who lived for drama, and gossip, and couldn’t be trusted half the time.  _

_ And then there was Johnny.  _ _ Chicago boy, tall as hell, love of Ten’s life, Johnny Seo.  _

_ Ten didn’t know when he’d realised that he was in love with his best friend, but when he’d worked it out, it had felt like puzzles pieces slotting perfectly into place.  _

_ Ten was in love with Johnny.  _ _ And Johnny didn’t love him back. Yet, somehow, Ten had made peace with it. He was fine with the inevitable  _ _ heartbreak, as long as he still had Johnny around.  _

_ Sweet, oblivious Johnny.  _

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ten is a disaster gay and I love him. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed this! Please leave a comment!


	17. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any errors

It had been exactly five days since Taeyong had learnt the truth about the night Ten died, and the thoughts of it had not yet left his mind. 

He had so many questions about the events of that night, but he would never get the answers to them.  Johnny had been comatose for the majority of it, and Ten, as stated earlier, was dead. 

It was Ten that was on his mind most of all. 

At a time where Taeyong never been more aware of his (former) friend’s death, he found himself wishing that he could talk to Ten just one more time. The last words that they had spoken to each other had been six years ago, and Taeyong regretted not returning before Ten died. Though, he supposed, it _had_ been Ten’s death that had brought him back to Seoul.  That still didn’t change anything, however, he would still regret the last things he ever said to Ten. 

Their conversation, that neither of them were aware would be their last, had been brief, and Taeyong couldn’t recall how it had started. He _did_ clearly remember how had ended, though. He had lied to Ten. The last thing that Taeyong would ever say to Ten had been a lie. Granted, it hadn’t been a very big lie, but a lie nonetheless. 

The worst part wasn’t that the last thing he had said to Ten had been a lie, however. No, the worst part was that Ten had believed him. He hadn’t even questioned it. 

Ten would never get to find out that Taeyong had lied to him, and neither would anyone else. 

How would he even tell anyone else? 

Just casually bring it up in a conversation with Johnny, ‘hey, do you remember the last thing you ever said to Ten? Because I sure fucking do! I lied straight to his face, and he didn’t even realise!’

Yeah, no, that wasn’t happening. 

He was never going to tell anyone what his last words to Ten were, it would just be one of those things he kept to himself. Along with his fear of being murdered, his serious trust issues, and basically just his whole fucked-up mental state. 

Speaking of fucked-up mental states, Taeyong should really go visit Johnny again, shouldn’t he? It had been just over a week since they’d last seen each other, so he should probably go and see his friend. Johnny was his friend, right? Taeyong was pretty sure he was, but then again, he _had_ abandoned Johnny six years ago, so it would make sense if he didn’t quite consider them friends again. 

It was fine. Taeyong could live with that. He’d done this to himself, really, by running away from everyone, and everything, he had known. 

It was a wonder how quickly Doyoung and Johnny seemed to forgive him for that. Though, he supposed, with Ten gone, they only had each other, so maybe that’s why they’d been quick to forgive. They had probably been lonely, since they couldn’t really see each other all that much.  That was fine, Taeyong could help with that.  Unlike Doyoung, he didn’t have a job, so he could go see Johnny whenever, and unlike Johnny, he wasn’t stuck in hospital, so he could arrange to meet Doyoung whenever. 

Maybe, Taeyong’s sudden return to Seoul hadn’t been such a terrible idea, after all. Sure, he had no job, and barely any friends, and he’d only returned because of Ten’s death, but hey, that’s just life, isn’t it? 

Well, it was _Taeyong’s_ life, and he’d grown pretty used to it, in the almost-month he’d spent back in his hometown. He’d finally achieved the one thing that had been on his mind for the past six years. Tell his friends the truth, and apologise for what he did to them. 

Except that he hadn’t really done that, because he’d forgotten one person. 

Ten hadn’t gotten to hear Taeyong’s apology, and he never would. Ten was never going to come back, and Taeyong hated that.  He hated that Ten had died without knowing, he hated that Ten had died in general. 

What had Ten thought happened to him?

Had he been mad at him, for leaving?

Or did he mourn Taeyong, grieve for a friend who wasn’t even dead?

Taeyong would never get to know what Ten thought had happened, and Ten would never get to know what _actually_  happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a comment! side note: might end up taking a small hiatus because I feel like school is about to kick my ass


	18. Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry for the hiatus, but I'm back now!

_Ten_ _had missed hanging out with Johnny like this. It had been such a foolish idea for him to avoid his best friend, in the hopes of getting over the crush he had on him._

_None of that mattered now._ _Sure, Ten might still be very much in love with Johnny, but at least they were both drunk, and neither of them would probably remember the night’s events._

_It wasn’t meant to be just the two of them, but it had turned out that way._

_Doyoung had an essay, one that he hadn’t started yet, that was due the next morning, and Taeyong had work. That only left Ten and Johnny, which was something that Ten was both thrilled about, and also completely terrified of what might end up happening._

_If Johnny was really drunk, then he wouldn’t remember if Ten confessed, right?_

_And if Ten was really drunk, then he wouldn’t remember confessing, would he?_

_Ten could live with that, if the events of that night did end up playing out that way. Waking up with a hangover was a thousand times more preferable than waking up with the knowledge that he got rejected by his best friend. A hangover would go away quicker, and probably wouldn’t result in Ten having to move back to Thailand._

_Ten couldn’t remember the last time that he’d gotten drunk like this, but that was probably the point. He was pretty sure that he’d been with Johnny then, though. It would’ve been before Ten started with his stupid plan to avoid Johnny, for obvious reasons._

_It was an occasional occurrence for the pair, to hang out like this, and get absolutely wasted._

_Taeyong was never invited, on the grounds that he was too much of a lightweight for them to put up with._ _Doyoung was never invited either, but for different reasons, mainly that he always seemed to have seven different essays to write. Taeyong always said that Ten had the worst decisions out of them all, but Doyoung definitely was the worst procrastinator._

_Where did that leave Johnny? As the most oblivious person to ever walk the earth, according to Taeyong, Ten, and pretty much everyone who had ever met Johnny._ _It was why he’d never noticed Ten’s crush on him. Johnny wouldn’t have noticed it even if Ten had just straight-up proposed to him._

_Ten had never tested this out, however, for obvious reasons. The most obvious of all being that it was an incredibly fucking stupid idea, even by Ten’s standards, which were pretty low to begin with._

_The main point was that Johnny had no clue that Ten had a crush on him, and that was something that Ten thought about constantly._

_Like right now, his head was going ‘hey, Johnny has no idea you like him. Isn’t that strange? He hasn't noticed yet. You should tell him. Tell him. Do it now. Tell him tell him TELL HIM.’_

_Yeah, Ten’s inner thoughts weren’t very helpful. Hopeful, no one he knew was a mind reader, because that would just be great._

_What if Johnny could read minds, and he had just been pretending that he didn’t know about Ten’s feelings this whole time? No, that was stupid. There was no way in hell that Johnny could read minds. He would’ve definitely exposed himself accidentally by now._

_Aside from being oblivious to most things, Johnny was also the world’s worst secret keeper. So obviously, Ten trusted him with most of his secrets. It was fine, Johnny hadn’t told anyone. Yet. Ten trusted Johnny to keep his secrets a secret, and Johnny hadn’t broken that trust._

_On the other hand, Doyoung and Taeyong did absolutely not trust Johnny with their secrets. In fact, Taeyong didn’t trust anyone with secrets._

_Wait, did Taeyong even have any secrets? Ten couldn’t imagine that he did. What kind of secrets would Taeyong have, that were so important he couldn’t even trust his closest friends with them? Ten had absolutely no idea._

_Oh well, that was an issue for another day. Right now, all he could think about was Johnny, and how in love with him he was. Ten had it bad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun question: Can you guess who my bias is (spoiler alert: you'll be surprised). Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please leave me a comment with your thoughts!


	19. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any errors

It had been one month since Ten had died, which also meant it had been one month since Johnny had ended up in hospital. Taeyong only chose to acknowledge the latter of these two things when he visited Johnny, his reasoning being that they were both well aware of how long Ten had been dead for. 

Something that Taeyong chose _not_ to acknowledge, however, was the fact that it had also been one month since Johnny and Ten’s car accident. A fact that, again, they were both aware of.

The conversation eventually lead into Taeyong asking how long Johnny would remain in hospital for. According to Johnny, it would take another couple of months, because apparently treatment for lead poisoning takes absolutely ages. How do you even treat lead poisoning? Taeyong didn’t know, but Johnny certainly did, and Taeyong was pretty sure that Johnny wouldn’t want to talk about lead poisoning and its treatment. In fact, Taeyong was sure that Johnny would rather talk about literally anything _other_ than lead poisoning. 

Even his car accident.  That was something that they’d ended up talking about.

 Actually, it was more like Taeyong had asked a question about Johnny’s memories of that night, and Johnny had answered with the things he did remember, before he fell into a coma, and Ten died. It was a very short list, which wasn’t surprising, considering that Johnny had been unconscious for the majority of the events. He remembered driving, and having a headache, and Ten being with him. That was all.  Nothing about the last time he remembered looking at Ten, or the last thing they said to each other. 

Well, Taeyong supposed, at that time, neither of them would’ve known that it would be the last time that they’d see each other.

Did Doyoung remember the last time he’d seen Ten? Did the last words he’d said to him stay etched in his mind, like they did with Taeyong? Taeyong didn’t know the answers, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know them, either.

He was sure of one thing, though. The last thing Doyoung had said to Ten wouldn’t have been a lie. 

Doyoung would probably remember what he’d said, right? It _had_ only been a month ago. Not six years, like Taeyong’s last interaction with the now-deceased Ten.

It surprised him how well he remembered it, considering the length of time that had passed.

Taeyong’s memories were all kinds of messed up. Not just in their content, but in which memories were still vivid in his mind, and which ones had faded into nothing.  If you asked Taeyong about when he’d almost been murdered by the mafia, he could recite the whole thing from start to finish.  But ask him about where his parents lived, the place where he’d grown up? He couldn’t remember a damn thing.

Somehow, Taeyong had managed to forget his own parents’ address. It was what kept him from finding them. He simply didn’t know how. It was tragic, but, really? What part of Taeyong’s current life _wasn’t_ tragic? He had no way to tell his parents he was still alive, he only had two friends, one of which was in hospital with _lead poisoning_ , of all things, and he basically had no reason to be in Seoul.

Even if his continued stay in his hometown was pointless, and potentially deadly, Taeyong didn’t have it in him to leave. Not again.

There was nothing for him in Seoul, but the same could be said of anywhere on this earth. Nothing awaited Taeyong. There was almost no reason why he should continue to be alive. But here he was. Alive and breathing. 

Sure, Taeyong might have almost no reason to be alive, but there was an ‘almost’. He had at least two people who would probably miss him if he left, from Seoul or from the realm of the living, either one worked.

Doyoung would miss him, after everything that had happened between them, they had still become friends again. And Johnny. Taeyong couldn’t leave Johnny. Not after everything he’d been through. The same applied to Doyoung. There’d been too many tragedies that had occured in recent times, they didn’t have to deal with Taeyong disappearing, not again. Once had surely been enough. 

That settled it. Taeyong was staying in Seoul. If not for himself,  then for Johnny and Doyoung.

And for Ten, too. Wherever he may be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please leave me a comment with your thoughts!


	20. Then: Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NOT THE ACTUAL FINAL CHAPTER

_ Ten woke up with a headache. This was not an uncommon occurrence, especially not after a night of drinking.  _ _ What was uncommon, however, was that Ten was not alone.  _ _ There was someone beside him, facing away. And when Ten rubbed the sleep from his eyes, it became clear exactly who this someone was. _

_ Johnny Seo. _

_ Ten thought that he must still be dreaming, because what other explanation was there? Why would Johnny be in his bed? _

_ Ten rolled onto his back, and stared up at the ceiling. What had happened last night, and why was Johnny here? _

_ This was not an ideal start to his day. Ten would be lying if he said that he’d never thought about waking up next to Johnny, but he’d never thought about it like this, with no recollection of how either of them got there.  _

_ He closed his eyes, and tried to think. Which turned out to be a fairly difficult task, for two reasons. One, his head hurt, which was not ideal for thinking. And two, Johnny was still very much asleep, and next to him, and now that Ten had become more aware of his surroundings, very warm.  _

_ Part of Ten wanted to go back to sleep, curled up next to his best friend. The other part of Ten thought that this was a terrible plan, because they would both end up being late for class. But Johnny looked so peaceful lying there, and the part of Ten that wanted to go back to sleep was more than willing to stay there with him. Hell, the other part of Ten also was willing to stay in bed, at least until Johnny woke up.  _

_ Yeah, that was a good plan. Stay in bed, wait for Johnny to wake up, then figure out why the hell he is in Ten’s bed. Great work, Ten.  _

_ Now, what to do in the meantime? There was a brief moment in which Ten considered jumping out his window and dying, but, thankfully for everyone, he immediately found the faults in that plan. Such as he would be dead.  _

_ Also thankfully, Ten had no time to come up with another plan, because Johnny chose that moment to return to the land of awakeness.  _

_ Ten was most certainly not a complete failure of a human being when he noticed that Johnny was no longer asleep. Ten also definitely did not say ‘oh my god, what the fuck happened last night’ when Johnny mumbled a ‘good morning’. Boy, this was going well.  _

_ Judging by Johnny’s confused expression, it became suddenly clear to Ten that he did indeed remember what had happened last night, and was surprised that Ten did not. This was further clarified by Johnny breaking the brief-but-awkward silence by asking ‘you really don’t remember?’ Ten shook his head at this. So Johnny, helpful as always, explained the exact events that had gone down the previous evening. And with this helpful recount, Ten melted into a puddle of embarrassment and emotions, as he realised exactly what he done. _

_ Or rather, what they had done.  _

_ As it turns out, drunk Ten was a complete and utter moron, a fact that Ten had been made very aware of, mostly from Taeyong. A new development into Ten’s drunk adventures was an apparent sense of not knowing when to keep his mouth shut.  _

_ Which lead to him confessing to Johnny about his massive crush on him, something that Johnny recounted whilst grinning. Johnny, who had not been as drunk as Ten, realised that Ten did actually mean what he was saying. And Johnny, who might not be as oblivious as Ten had always thought he was, accepted the confession.  _

_ By kissing him.  _

_ Johnny had kissed Ten, and the earth had not spontaneously combusted, which is what Ten thought would have happened.  _

_ Johnny had kissed him, the world had not ended, and somehow they had ended up in Ten’s bed.  _ _ Which sounded a lot worse than how it had actually gone down.  _ _ Nothing had happened in Ten’s bed, if you didn’t count Ten passing out almost immediately after kicking off his shoes and lying down.  _

_ After Johnny had finished telling the tale of last night, Ten was stunned into silence. He had confessed to Johnny. Johnny had accepted him. They had kissed. Was the world ending? It might be, but Ten didn't care. He had Johnny now. _

_ There was only one  _ _ question left to ask, and Ten did so, just before he left for class. _

_ ‘Does this make us boyfriends now?’ _

_ The resulting grin from Johnny was so blinding that Ten, still rather hungover, almost had to look away. He didn’t, though.  _

_ Johnny was his boyfriend. Ten repeated this in his head over and over, as he walked to class. Johnny was his boyfriend. Ten was Johnny’s boyfriend.  _

_ He remembered something, from last night, brought on by hard thinking of the events of the past evening. Johnny’s lips on his, tasting of cheap soju and chapstick.  _

_ Ten couldn’t believe it. Johnny was his boyfriend.  _

_ Man, Taeyong was going to have a stroke when he found out about this. That led Ten to  _ _ another thought, unfortunately, not about Johnny. He shared this class with Taeyong, didn’t he? _

_ Where was Taeyong? _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a question, would you guys prefer if I wrote a sequel based on Doyoung's pov, or would you like a completely unrelated story? I have parts of both done, but I just wanted an opinion before I post anything new.


	21. Now: Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY BLOOD OR VIOLENCE PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS

If there was such a list as ‘things not to do if you’ve returned to the city that you almost got murdered in’, one of the top suggestions would be ‘don’t walk around by yourself at night’. 

This list did not exist, otherwise Taeyong probably would have not done the aforementioned thing. 

But he did. 

It was fine, though, no one ever paid him any attention. No one ever went ‘hey, he looks like that college student I almost killed six years ago, the one who went missing afterwards’. That had never happened. Taeyong was invisible to all those he passed, just another person on a busy sidewalk. 

Until one night, when he suddenly wasn’t. 

He’d known for a while, almost ever since he’d stepped foot back in Seoul. He’d known that one day, _they_ would find him, and finish what _they_ started.  He just didn’t expect it to be so soon.  Taeyong had only been in Seoul for three weeks, and there was still so much he had do, six years that he needed catching up on. He’d finally managed to apologise to his friends, and they’d forgiven him. Things were finally  _good._

Why did Haechan have to come and take it all away from him? 

One of the few names that Taeyong had heard during his time at the fateful laundromat had been ‘Haechan’. Now, he finally had a face to match that name. 

If there was one thing about the whole encounter that Taeyong could be thankful for, it was that Haechan didn’t waste any time in getting things started. No slow, drawn-out torture. It had only taken a couple of minutes until the young mafia boss had Taeyong incapacitated, but still alive. He’d left then, walking out of the small alleyway he’d dragged them into. 

Taeyong did not leave. 

Every time he attempted to move even the tiniest bit, pain erupted throughout his entire body. All he could do was stay in the position he’d been left in, curled next to a dumpster, hands desperately clutching at his wounds.  He didn’t know it was possible to feel like this, to be in such agony, yet still remain alive. 

Taeyong pressed his hands to his stomach, watching helplessly as blood seeped through his fingers. He opened his mouth, attempting to call for help. 

Only one thing came out. 

More blood. 

There was so much of it, in his mouth, on his lips, his hands, his clothes. Crimson pooling around him, sure to leave rust-coloured stains on the pavement, Taeyong’s final mark on this world. 

Fuck, he really was going to die, wasn’t he? He was going to die, and no one would know what had happened to him.  Johnny and Doyoung wouldn’t know that he was dead. They’d just think that he’d left again. Taeyong couldn’t do this to his friends. 

But Taeyong couldn’t do _anything_ , not to save himself.  All he could do was watch. Watch as the blood kept coming, watch as the world grew hazier, watch as no one came to save him. 

Taeyong had thought about his own death many, many times, but he’d never expected this.  That it would be so soon. 

The timing was the worst it could’ve been. He’d just been to visit Johnny, only a month after Ten had died. 

And now, Taeyong was going to die. He was going to die, and he was going to leave his friend forever wondering what had happened to him. No one was going to find him, not until it was too late. 

There was so much blood, and more of it just kept coming out. 

If anyone _had_ been around, they would’ve heard Taeyong’s attempts to speak, to call for help. The words wouldn’t come out. There was no room for them, not with the blood that kept spilling over his lips.

It was getting harder to breathe, and that panicked Taeyong further. He was dying. This was what dying felt like, and he just wished that it would end, that he would be dead, just so that he wouldn’t have to experience this hell any longer. 

Would his body ever be found? Would anyone ever venture down this alleyway, and discover his remains next to a dumpster? 

Taeyong was dying. 

Had Ten panicked this much before he’d died? Well, Ten had died from seizures caused by fatal lead poisoning, and not multiple stab wounds to the chest and stomach. 

Ten. Ten was dead. Taeyong was dying. 

If he died, would he get to see Ten again? Taeyong hoped so. It seemed unlikely, but he hoped for it. Taeyong missed Ten. He hadn’t seen him in six years. Taeyong didn’t want to die, but he wanted to see Ten. 

The world was a cruel place, and no one knew this better than Taeyong. He’d seen it firsthand, what the world did to people who hadn’t done anything wrong.  Sometimes, though, the world was right. Taeyong had done things wrong, and now he was bleeding out in an alleyway. 

Taeyong was dying, and he didn’t want to be. But he couldn’t do anything about it. All he could do was lie there, in the ever-growing pool of his own blood. 

Taeyong wanted to see Ten. But Ten was dead.  Taeyong wanted to see Johnny. But Johnny wasn’t coming. Neither was Doyoung. Taeyong wanted to see his friends, one last time.  But you don’t always get what you want. 

Taeyong didn’t. 

All he got was stab wounds, and blood, and the sensation of his lungs filling with blood from the aforementioned stab wounds. 

Taeyong was going to die. 

Taeyong was dying. 

And as his breathing got weaker, as the world around him got darker, there was only one thing on his  mind. 

Taeyong was going to see Ten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually really sad about ending this, and also sorry about what happens to everyone in this. Thank you all so much for your kudos and kind comments, it's really meant a lot to me! If any of you have any questions about things I never really address in this story/series, feel free to ask them! Also, I still haven't made up my mind about whether I want to post a story focusing on Doyoung's pov, or a completely unrelated one. I might end up doing both, and just follow a completely erratic update schedule. I'll think about it. I know I've said a lot here, but just one more thing: thank you all so much for reading this, it truly blows my mind that anyone outside of my friends has read this! You guys mean the world to me <3


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